You know you ain’t shit when Eminem comes out of retirement to roast you…
All names are fictitious because my friends like keeping their jobs…
Let’s start this damn thing with a quote. Confucius once said, “Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change”. I never met the old timer, but that Chinese dude knew his shit. With tradition comes a sense of normalcy; a sort of depending factor in which you know things will be the same but always changing. That sounded shitty, I don’t even know what the fuck I’m talking about. That quote sounded dope and this article is about tradition. Tradition in a young man’s life that has continued into early adulthood. What am I referencing you might ask? This glorious representation of tradition that I so confusedly talked about is indeed, The LimpStick Invitational. Follow me through this journey of debauchery, drunkenness, and to put a friendly spin on things, friendship. Awwwwwwww, (8 W’s).
I’m sitting in my Buddy “John”’s living room early one Saturday morning; early enough that you might still be drunk from that night before, you’re delirious and tired, and you are laughing (more of a almost throw up giggle) at everything in preparation for the hangover that is really about to set it. There is about 4 or 5 of us laying on the floor or couch talking about the night before and trying to put things together and reminiscing about how dumb we are, when all of a sudden (a nameless friend) jumps out of his seat and yells, “holy shit, I just remembered I got arrested last night”! I know what you’re thinking…..if you know me and you’re reading this, you are well aware of who this friend is. The rest of us in the living room look at him cross-eyed confused. Questions like, how did you just remember this? What did you do? And how are you here right now and did you escape from jail? You know, normal Saturday morning questions. To shorten this story up and to get to the point of the article; this idiot friend of mine was indeed arrested for trying to tackle a stop sign. I’m going to say that again, trying to TACKLE a stop sign. He was released after a few dropped soaps later and somehow made it back to the house. This story was simply another tale from the LimpStick Invitational.
So what is the LimpStick Invitational you might be asking? Or you might just be reading this because you are bored at work and are at this time, wondering when this article gets good. Well, back toward the end of my college days; The Godfather, who we will call “Bartholemew” (because that’s a solid fake name), decided to start a humble golf tournament with a few college friends. You know, a quick 9 hole round, drink some beers, have a few laughs, then maybe meet down at the local bar to have a few night caps. Little did The Godfather know the monster of a golf weekend he was about to create.
The first couple of years, LimpStick 1-3, the golf tournament averaged about 10 or so guys. It was a simpler time. The emergence of social media and your basic word of mouth created a monster turn for LimpStick 4, 5, and 6. Because of the shear number of people that would now be attending, around 40-60, new protocols had to be made. The godfather decided to make this a full weekend event. By this time we were all out of college and it turned into a college reunion back to our stomping grounds of yesteryear. It went like this…
- Friday: We would rent out a bar and officially have the draft. Golfers were put into different categories based on skill level so all teams were even as possible. Like that really mattered because it was an anomaly if a team even finished the round. We would draft, drink, make plans for the following day, and drink some more. Once we drank all of the booze at one bar, we would walk to the others and do the same thing. Keep in mind, we are not in college at this time, but we thought we could still drink like it.
- Saturday: After waking up in random spots throughout town, we would all commence at the local shit hole golf course. We would talk about the previous nights events, who got laid, who got arrested, and how hungover we feel. With the LimpStick comes tradition; and that Saturday morning before golf is one of my favorites.
- The RULES:
- Teams of 4
- Each member must drink a tall boy of their choosing for every hole
- Each team must use 1 drive from every player
- Hold on…
- Yeah, that’s pretty much sums it up.
- The RULES:
- Sunday: Dead
As the golf round finished up, the party train continues. We would find a house that was hosting a party, it was usually nice out, and we would further the send sesh. Some of us broke away from the group and went to the bars, some of us would find a pool to lounge in, some of us even sobered up out of a black out to find themselves in the middle of a poker tournament at the local casino. We took over the old college town and left it worse then when we found it. I can say this with confidence because our group was banned for life from that golf course. So where the fuck do we go next…?
Well, let’s think about that for a second. The core group of dudes that have been attending LSI since the beginning somewhat agreed that it really got out of hand the last couple of year. Was it great? Of course it was. But we were all getting a little older now, therefore more mature obvi. So where is the next logical place to go being that we cannot go back to our old college town? Yes that’s right; Las Fucking Vegas.
We took our talents to Vegas. “We”, was a small group of about 10 that are venturing off to somewhere the LSI has never been before. It was a perfect weekend of good weather, pool parties, I think we golfed, and too many laughs a dude can’t remember. The LSI tradition would not be stopped because of that dick head Course Marshall that kicked us out for life for breaking 3 of his golf carts. The LimpStick lived on in Vegas…
Since Vegas, we have continued the tradition around the local area with the same core group. The stories from every LSI get placed in our memory bank and stored. Memories of our friend “John” getting arrested, or the several pool parties, and the folklore of every LimpSticker in the past; these things will not be forgotten. The Godfather created something that we can all look forward to throughout the year. It’s immediately put on our calendars the second a date is picked. The boys of the LimpStick invitational have created a ritual. As I sit here and write this; the anticipation for LimpStick 10 is real. Where are we going to go next? Mexico? Brazil? Canada? Only time will tell. So as Confucius stated…”Only the wisest and stupidest men never change”. I think we are a little bit of both.
This article is a simple article; addressing complex issues. I’m writing this in the wake of yet another racial incident and how some in the world of sports are using their platform to preach love instead of hate. The ludicrous acts of many during the events in Charlottesville, VA have lined up with the start of the NFL season and several players are using their notoriety in an attempt to create social change and voice their views on bigotry, oppression, and racism.
Ryan M. Kelly/The Daily Progress, via Associated Press
Michael Bennett is one of those players. He and others have followed in Colin Kaepernick’s footsteps in choosing not to stand during the playing of the national anthem. Michael Bennett isn’t sitting to show how much he hates America; in reality it’s quite the opposite. “I just want to see people have the equality that they deserve. And I want to be able to use this platform to continuously push the message of that”. He goes on to say, “I’m being vulnerable right now,” Bennett said. “There’s a whole bunch of people sitting at home judging me, but they will never get to this point where they can be vulnerable. Let people attack me because they don’t believe what I believe in, but at the end of the day, I’m being vulnerable to show every person that no matter [what] you believe in, keep fighting for it. Keep fighting for equality. Keep fighting for oppressed people. And keep trying to change society.”
Bennett is doing it right; He realizes the unfortunate magnitude of the situation and is using what he has to preach love instead of hate. The cancer that is racism, the disease that is bigotry, the virus that is gender hate needs to stop. I’m sitting on the outside looking in and asking myself, how the fuck are these issues continuously ongoing? I simply don’t understand how or why someone would go out of there way to ridicule someone else for something that they are or believe in. The violent nature of some of the things that have happened in America these last several years mirror a time right after slavery ended. I mean, think about that. It’s 2017 and HUMANS are still hating, hurting, killing others because they are different; what the fuck?
The world of sports is, in a way, a release. We as a society watch professional athletes play a game for a whole bunch of money. We cheer and support. This is the silver lining on some all too often occurrences that happen outside of the sports world. But remember, these professional athletes that many of us can name, explain their stats, know how much they make; they are all HUMANS too. And when someone of their magnitude takes a stand on social injustice, my hope is that everyone listens.
The world is ever changing; I get that. Society has come a long way in certain aspects; I get that. But the fact remains that everyone is different, everyone has different views, everyone has different beliefs; but isn’t that a good thing though? Aren’t we better because we are all different? Michael Bennett believes that we should all accept each others uniqueness; so do I.
Why Mayweather will win…
Why McGregor will win…
Floyd Mayweather is already losing. It’s a month before the fight, right after a four city, four night promotional series and Mayweather is already getting destroyed. He has never seen anything like the hurricane that is Conor McGregor. Have the press conferences been a little WWE? Yes. Do I think McGregor is consciously doing this? Also, yes. Skip Bayless has already stated this on several occasions, and even though I promised myself I would avoid agreeing with Skip fucking Bayless at all costs, he was correct on this one. McGregor knows how to work a crowd and Mayweather is quickly learning this. Granted, Mayweather has never been the greatest at fight promotion, and my brain almost explodes every time he tries to spit out a sentence, but McGregor clearly has him flustered. For a lack of a better term, Round 1 goes to McGregor.
“He will be unconscious inside of four rounds. The movement, the power, the ferociousness — he has not experienced this.”, so now let’s get to the actual fight. In a countless number of brash statements and an endless amount ridiculous showmanship, McGregor actually made several valid arguments. McGregor is physically a bigger and stronger man. Conor’s last several fights have been against larger opponents and now he gets to be the bigger foe. He’s used to knee caps to the chin, and therefore will have zero problems with the pillow-sized gloves of boxers. McGregor is also used to 5-minute rounds; as opposed to three in boxing; conditioning will play in this because Floyd will be defending more than he ever has before. McGregor’s fists are like stones and he breaks guards. When McGregor wins, it will be within the first several rounds, like he himself stated, and it will be a right hook to Floyd’s jaw.
I truly want everyone to understand that “the upset of the year” will occur. Do I think it would be an upset? No. Floyd Mayweather is already scared. His facial expressions already resemble someone who wishes he were still sitting on his Italian leather couch. He wants to go back to the time where his biggest problem in his life were his millions of dollars in tax problems. Now he has another one in in the form of an Irish Car Bomb. Conor McGregor will bring the Irish rain down on Floyd Mayweather Jr. and I won’t even be a little surprised.
Now before the MLS all-stars take on a Real Madrid team that could care less about this game, here are the current standings in the race for the Supporters Shield.
They have the best record, the best player, and have yet to lose at home. This was an easy one.
Ever Since Sebastian Schweinsteiger joined the club, they’ve been climbing up the table. The dude is solid and he’s making the rest of the team better.
New York City FC
With David Villa and the up and coming rise of Jack Harrison, the NYC football club has been consistent all year while tallying 40 goals in the process.
Sporting Kansas City
They lost their biggest scoring threat but zero losses at home with a pretty decent fan based will keep the ball rolling. Get it?
New York Red Bulls
They were good, then they were bad, now they’re good again. Bradley Wright-Phillips is starting to improve after a slow start for his standards.
Atlanta United FC
One of the new guys on the block, the league leading goal scorers are in a territory that they’ve been consistently all year. I don’t think it’ll last.
Right behind Sporting Kansas City in the Western Conference race, they’ve shown great stuff at times, but have looked like ass on other occasions. Hashtag consistency?
A surprise dominance at the start of the season, the team has really struggled on the road; and I mean they haven’t won a fucking game away from home.
Columbus Crew SC
Thank you sweet baby Jesus for their home record because with seven loss on the road, they are tied for the 2nd worse away record.
Fox and Wink are Timbers fans so I guess I’ll say something nice. Nope; can’t do it. I fucking hate the Timbers.
Seattle Sounders FC
Up and down and up and down through most of the seasons, they’re riding a 6 game unbeaten streak going into the break. The defending MLS cup champs are no stranger to starting slow and finishing strong. Fuck the Timbers.
Vancouver Whitecaps FC
Typically they are behind the other Cascadia rivals, but a little outside the top 10 is appropriate. Still, fuck the Timbers.
Orlando City SC
With players like Kaka and the addition to Dwyer, I can see the Lions make a pretty decent run in the second half of the season.
San Jose Earthquakes
A decent home record and an abysmal away record has them somewhat in the conversation. A mid-level team at best.
New England Revolution
Really good home record, really bad away record. Figure it out guys.
Probably a better team their record shows; I see them righting the ship as the season progresses. They need to find some goal scorers though.
Real Salt Lake
Some of the players probably wish there was more alcohol in the “no drinking” capital of the U.S. A very off year for a team that is always in the mix.
Sometimes I forget they are an MLS team. They’ve beaten good teams and have lost to bad ones. Eh.
Good luck with Sigi; I mean it. Good luck.
Minnesota United FC
Acceptable home record; zero wins on the road.
Acceptable home record; zero wins on the road.
Shit at home; shit on the road. I blame trump.